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어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 10:47 pm
*yawns* $25 for two kids. From 6:00 to 10:45.

Yeah. Money. Good.

Gonna go watch Fahrenheit 9/11. @_@
 
 
mood: tiredworn but still kickin'
music: my cat Eddie
 
 
어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 05:11 pm
Home  
Less than half an hour before I baby-sit the Fischers. One's a green belt in karate - Andrew - a kid with an attitude/ego problem. The other's Kayla and a real sweetie.

For some reason, I never mind spending time with them. They're always fun.

Okay, maybe keeping Andrew in check and stopping fights isn't what most babysitters like, but it's normal to me. It's like, "Another fight - okay". No problem.

The grandmother says they adore me. Which is kind of scary...but sweet. ^_^

Okay, gonna get ready. Yugi-Oh! has a big effect on this family - hence, my Dueling Deck shall come. >_<

Mwah.
 
 
mood: calmcalm
music: "Somebody Save Me" from Smallville
 
 
어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 01:38 pm
Okay, I don't think anyone's reading this journal anymore. I'm once again considering it to be Friends-Only.

Any objections?

...

If not, I'm gonna go ahead and make it the way I want it to be.
 
 
mood: blankblank
music: "Lonely Day" from Smallville
 
 
어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 01:09 pm
*sighs* Creative Writing - boring as can be. I have nothing to do except work on a character prompt - the unconscious thought one. And I'm in the middle of that right now, but I'm in a brain rut.

Lauren sat where Maegen usually sits, Maegen wandered to the other side of the room and zoned into music.

*pretends to think* Hmm...I don't know if Maegen's pissed or moody or mad at me, so I'll go with the "mad at me" choice. And I think Lauren sat next to me because of the whole...Yeah, if I mention that, I'll start crying again.

My response: sit in the middle. Away from both.

*singing* I could tell from the minute I woke up...it was gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day...Everybody knows that something's wrong...but nobody knows what's going on...

(Brief interlude with my bad singing.)

But actually this song fits. It really does. Which is why I'm listening to it. I am very slowly falling into the Smallville love-angst category of my usual modes.

The same analogy: Lois in personality, Chloe in soul. Watching Clark walking away, never giving me a second glance.

And yesterday, half of the family at the party was wondering why I hadn't found a guy yet.

Well, jeez - one's in college and taken (but that I don't mind so much), and one is beginning to hate me because of the way I am (that's what was going on in the last entry). Oh, and the other three crushes of mine - one's an asshole, the second's too shy, and the third's far too popular and Jock-ish to notice someone who's been helpful to him for the past four years.

*sighs* Yeah. They're gonna notice me. Sarcasm at its best.

I mean, it's tearing me up inside. It really hurts! And I want it to stop!! T_T

But odds are...it never will. Because, like I told Ben today before I went off to cry in the bathroom...*shrugs*

"I'm the girl who never gets the guy in the end."

That's the way it's always been. That's the way it will always be. -_-,
 
 
mood: sadvery sad
music: "Lonely Day" from Smallville
 
 
어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 12:04 pm
As I write this, I am beginning to realize something. And it hurts now that I realize it.

I realize that I am so stupid for saying it was all right. I am stupid for letting this get to me. And I am stupid for getting hurt again because of a guy.

What I'm realizing is that I care so much about a guy in my life. This isn't Chris, but it's someone I've known just as long. He's known me for so long, and he knows how I usually act around him. And I realize that maybe I don't care for him - maybe I love him.

But I love him so much that I'm willing to let him go. No matter how much I hurt inside, I am going to watch him walk away...watch him live his life.

And I am so stupid for feeling this way.

And I shouldn't have told her it was all right.

And once again, I'm Lois on the outside and Chloe on the inside...watching Clark falling for someone else and leaving me behind.

Yeah, I'm gonna leave him be.
 
 
mood: lonelyso sad
 
 
 
어밀리어
08 October 2004 @ 06:07 am
I keep forgetting my uncle Jeff is a cartoonist. He's already published in a few local newspapers, and he's working on a graphic novel.

...

Yeah. He's gonna try and help me get in a few papers. Ra bless him. >_<

Okay, gotta go scramble together a portfolio for an interview for Senior Project and a meeting with my mentor.

* Period 3 --> Interview with Mrs. Penucci
* Period 5 --> Meeting with Mrs. Miller

NO FREE TIME!! T_T
 
 
mood: rushedGotta get my stuff!!
 
 
어밀리어
07 October 2004 @ 04:54 pm
*looks at clock* It's almost five - where's Dad? O.o

He went to go pick Alan up from his Tech Club meeting, and he hasn't come back yet. He told me I had to listen for the phone in case it was Mom, which meant no music.

So...I have been deprived of music for two hours.

THIS BITES!! >.<****

Plus, I have to dress up nice for dinner with the grandparents (which, no offense, I depise), and I'm going to be going without a chance to cool off from the crappy day it's been already because I've been deprived of music!!! >.<

...

And Emily Nezvesky thinks I should go into rap - I had to read something for Government, and she asked if I had ever rapped and that I should consider it.

*sgs* Finally!! Here's Mom - music time!! >_
 
 
mood: annoyed*pissed* Dad...
 
 
어밀리어
07 October 2004 @ 11:04 am
Okay, obviously Mae-chan isn't interested in the Icon War, so I'm gonna write now.

After watching Smallville, I went upstairs to go to sleep. (Yeah, it was 9:00. Yeah, I don't care how early it was.) I turned on to radio, climbed under the covers, and tried to go sleep.

I couldn't. My mind kept wandering back to the Smallville episode. And it wasn't just because of Clark in a wet T-shirt. *_* I mean, I just realized that for every year I've been in high school there's been a year of Smallville. I'm a senior - Clark's a senior. >_<

But my mind actually went back to the finer details of the episode. Like how the teenagers there interacted with each other. Especially Lana and her new boyfriend (who's the assistant coach). I mean, HELLO! I don't know a single guy who's that sweet and understanding. T_T

Then I thought of Lois. I swear, that's me as a strawberry-blond. It's scary. And I see her reacting with Clark - naturally arguing - and I smile and think that maybe there's a guy like him out there for me.

But then I see Chloe at the end, where she sees the sparks flying between her best friend/crush and her cousin and I see myself as Lois in personality and Chloe in heart.

...

Gotta go. The period's gonna end.
 
 
어밀리어
07 October 2004 @ 10:42 am
Okay, having an Icon War with Mae-chan. We're borht bored out of our skulls.

...

I'll talk about what was bugging me later, ne? ^_^;
 
 
mood: crazya little crazy
music: "Digital Love" from Interstella 5555
 
 
어밀리어
07 October 2004 @ 10:20 am
In period 8. Two more periods afterwards. -_-'

Spanish - I can finish the homework tomorrow during a free period. You know, I really hate dictating something in Spanish!! >.< It's so hard!! T_T

I know I have a Psych assignment - a coloring thing of the brain. We're building Playdoh models tomorrow.

*sighs* Phwee.

I'm bored. And disconnected. Again.

Hang on. (I'll get to the important thinking stuff later.)
 
 
mood: boredbored